Let’s have an honest conversation about accountability. What does it mean to be accountable? Accountability is defined as an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility.
Have you ever taken a step back to really take a look at your life? Are you happy where you are now? Is your dating life where you want it to be? Are you on the career path that’s fulfilling your needs?
When I talk about being accountable to other brothers, I’m referring to their ability to reflect on their actions and understand their role within those actions.
You are exactly where you are today, due to the actions that you've taken.
These are a few quick nuggets of wisdom to become more accountable that we can all take action on.
Drop The Excuses (ALL OF THEM)
When something goes wrong, accountable people don’t place the blame on others. There is no throwing people under the bus or dragging others down too. It’s a waste of time and energy to blame others, for factors that were most likely caused by your own misstep. Gentlemen, stop making excuses and own up to your mistakes. Acknowledge where you went wrong and do what needs to be done in order for it not to happen again. This is what men do.
Stop Playing The Victim
I’m sure we’ve all done this once before. People who often play the victim are unable to manage their own anger. These people tend to project past traumas on their current situation. In order to stop playing the victim, you need to take back ownership of your life from your past trauma and deal with the process of healing. That process is far from easy. It will break you down and bring up emotions and events that may have been suppressed for years, but just know that the process is necessary for your growth.
"Yes this horrible event happened to me, but it no longer has power over me."
If this is too much for you to handle, I highly recommend seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma for black people.
Your Life Is Yours
It’s as simple as knowing that you are in control of your own life. You can’t expect different results by doing the same thing. This applies to relationships and even your career. You're unhappy in your current role? Okay, well have you taken the necessary steps to obtain a role that better suits you? Gentlemen, every action that you’ve taken up until today is the reason why you’re in your current situation. You can either have your own pity party or take responsibility for your actions and curate the life that you want. We are literally the authors of our own novel. How about writing a life that’s fulfilling your wants and needs?
Take Back Ownership Over Your Time
“No” is a complete sentence that needs no explanation. If you’re not interested in going out for a second date, don’t even waste your time trying to make it work. Wasting time is the same as wasted energy. We may not have control of the people that we attract, but we do have control over what and who we decide to entertain. If you’re in a rut when it comes to dating, assess the people that you’ve been entertaining. Do they all have the same red flags, that you are simply overlooking? I definitely believe that God and the universe test you with the same mediocre people to see if you’ll fall back to your old ways. How are you ready for increase when your patterns are staying the same? Lets be accountable when it comes to reclaiming our time.
Learn how to apologize
Never let pride get in the way of owning up to your mistakes. Accountability comes with learning how to apologize.
“I’m sorry if you feel that I hurt you.”
“I’m sorry if you think.”
“I’m sorry if you feel.”
Those are not apologies and don't allow anyone else to get away with telling you these tired lines either.
Owning up to what you did wrong is what being accountable is all about. If a friend or partner tells you that you did something that rubbed them the wrong way or even hurt their feelings; acknowledge that. Their feelings are valid and should be respected as such, regardless of if you feel that it isn't a big deal.
Being accountable means owning up to your shit. There are too many people out there that are not willing to take a look in the mirror. Look fam, it’s time to come to terms with the fact that, maybe it’s you.